The Bvich Report

On Sunday, one billion people worldwide were supposed to tune in to the final game of the 2006 World Cup. That is one out of every six people on this entire planet. That is an astounding number of people to be watching one single event at one time.

I made sure that I would be one of those one billion people watching.

I had watched quite a few games in this World Cup, and over this year's tournament I became a bigger fan of the event. I did the same thing in 2002, when I set my alarm for 3 AM the summer before my senior year of high school to watch the US make their surprising run to the quarterfinals. Being in Europe during the World Cup in 1998 also gave me an interesting perspective of the game.

I am officially a US Soccer fan. I just ordered my US jersey on eBay (which saved me 35 bucks to get it there as opposed to buying at a store.) I might also become a Houston Dynamo fan. I have not decided on that one yet.

For the first time in my life, this World Cup has actually introduced me to a little bit of the strategy of the game. Plus, the fans in the stands are as passionate or possibly more passionate than fans of big-time college football programs.

Additionally, you have to love a game when you can tell your wife that you will take out the trash at the next commercial break and still be legitimately avoiding your chores 40 minutes later.

All of this said, however, there is just something about soccer that just does not sit right with me. And this one reason alone keeps soccer from becoming one of my favorite sports.

Soccer players are the biggest pansies I have ever seen in my entire life.

Soccer is nicknamed "The Beautiful Game," however there is absolutely nothing beautiful about some long-haired Italian falling to the ground crying and writhing in pain like he had just torn his ACL, cracked a couple of ribs and been kicked in the testicles all at the same time, then getting up five seconds later like nothing had happened.

The sad thing is, it is not like they even got the wind knocked out of them. They are just faking the injury to get a foul called.

It is about as low as a human being can get in my opinion. It shows a lack of sportsmanship and a lack of respect for the game.

You do not see anything like this in other sports. In football, baseball, basketball, hockey or any other sport, if you are down then you are in pain. You are hurt. Your fellow athletes in any of these sports would not respect anyone who fakes an injury for any reason. The only equivalent is flopping for a charge in basketball, and players like Karl Malone, Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobili who have reputations for flopping also have reputations of being weak players and whiners.

However, in the Italy vs. US game, numerous Italy players rolled around on the field like their careers were over. The stretcher came out for Italians three times. One of these times, you can see at the bottom of the screen the Italian player climb off of the stretcher, grab a swig of water and jog back onto the field without a limp.

It seems to be done better on this side of the pond, however. In the same game, US star Brian McBride took a cheap elbow to the face from Daniele De Rossi and began to spout blood like the black knight in Monty Python's The Holy Grail. However, not one complaint was made and not one tear was shed. McBride got stitches on the sideline and toughed it out the rest of the game.

FIFA should do something about this problem. If a player is carried off of the field on the stretcher, he should have to sit for five or ten minutes. If it hurts their team, a player will be less likely to fake or overexaggerate an injury.

FIFA could even create a pink card to give to a player who faces an injury. Not only would they have to miss the next match, but this would also keep track of who are the biggest actors. League leaders in pink cards would have reputations as the biggest pansies in soccer.

Soccer seems like it is a great game, but if I am watching a sport, I want to watch real men play hard and act like gentlemen to try to win the game legitimately. If something were to be done about flopping in soccer, the sport would undoubtedly have one more big fan right here.

Unfortunately, I cannot find real men on the pitch. I will have to keep looking to the gridiron, the diamond and the hockey rink.